I'm at a strange point in my life. I desperately want to make something of myself, but I lack the motivation or drive to actually get it done. I just don't know what to do. I feel like a failure, before I have even begun.

I really do want to go to school and, finally, grow up. I hate being this petulant child. How do I push myself harder then I already am? I wish I wasn't so afraid of change.

I had an interview today at a place called Bethesda Communities. Another caregiving position, but the job is weekends-only. It would be ideal for going to school, but I have mixed feelings about it being a religious organization. I'm not sure how well I can pretend to be something I am entirely against.

My health isn't as good as it should be at my at my age. I have intense migraines nearly everyday now, and nothing helps to relieve the pain. Yesterday, I got a nosebleed. I have NEVER had a bloody nose before.. I think my doctor is right. I think I do have a brain tumor.